Today’s meals have proved to be an emotional battle within myself, and it’s one that I think needs some season work, time, and consideration before I’m going to get through it. Who knew that it would be so incredibly hard to change something that seems so simple.
I should say, it was lunch that was the hardest – I brought a lunch that I had made (sauteed shrimp, spinach, and bell peppers), but right before lunch, I thought “Ya know…I could really go for some chocolate right now.” I’ve been in a bad mood all day (too much info, but PMS is the WORST), and just needed *something*. I went to the cafe, looked at the desserts/yogurt/pudding…and I just stood there for a moment. I stared, and quite honestly, I probably looked like an idiot. I opened the fridge door, and continued to stare. And I stared. And I stared.
And I walked away.
*Whew!* That was a close one. But I was actually, like, upset. I wanted pudding so badly. It seems absolutely silly, but it’s true. It didn’t help my bad mood to walk away, but I felt the tiniest bit better that I didn’t give it. Then, as I’m sitting here at my desk, a thought hit me: “Did I really just get pissed off over a cup of PUDDING?! You are nearly 23 years old! Sheesh.”
But yes, I did get upset over pudding. I felt like my conscious was a big bully that took my Snack Pack away during lunch time, and I couldn’t help but be mad. Now that I’ve chilled out a little, I’m glad I didn’t have it. I’m glad that I could blog to you guys and tell you a silly story of my pudding freak out, rather than come to you and say “Yes, I failed on day two.” Baby steps, folks…baby steps.
I really did make me realize that this is hard – I have to change a lifetime of habits that I have formed in a matter of 30 days, and it’s overwhelming and daunting. For some, it’s easy peasy; they don’t have problems and can go the 30 days with no fuss. I’m not that person. I’ve finally ACCEPTED that I am not that person. I consider being able to walk away a HUGE victory, even if someone else might think that is absolutely ridiculous. Today, I am celebrating that little success.
I do think that this will get easier probably next week, but I’m just going to take it day by day, choice by choice, bite by bite. Here’s to the next 28 days….
Cheers and Love,