lostinalife

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O, alcohol. May 5, 2013

I don’t have a drinking problem, though when you read this you will think that I do.

I like writing when the drunk opportunistic arises, though I feel bad that it’s the second time in a week. But anyways, I have a few friends over, one of them a male, the other a female. The female I have had a crush 0ne for the longest time. The male is different, obviously. I’m drunk, but checking my spelling quite closely, and the only friend staying over is the guy. No big, he’s like my brother, I love him to death.

Fuck, this is taking too long. I can’t seem to type without proper grammar and shit. Whatever. I will try to let it go. Don’t think I am. UGH. FINE. I am drunk with my best friend and mom. SO EFFING SUE ME. Don’t care. ANYWAYS. My best friend is a guy. I think if I wasn’t gay then I’d be with him. That’s a weird thing to say. He’s just a cool guy. ANYWAY FUCKING WAYS. I’m talking to this girl. She seems legit. Ish. I don’t know how old she is. But I’m ready to be done with all these games and shit.

I want someone. I wants someone who understands me and loves me. I wants someone who gets why I love my family and why I care so much.

I suppose doing this blog doesn’t help…Finn, what do you think? I know this is the second drunk post I’ve made. Why don’t I fly across the pond and live with you? Maybe life would be less complicated. Perhaps I will fly across the pond anyways. You’re my favorite on this blog. But I digress. I hope my friends undersrtand me. I hope they get my I am frustrated. I hope they understand why I can’t seem to share my feelings. Oh well. I give up. I don’t understad what love means right now. I hate feelign this way.

Anywho,, mom’s home from her walk, shoul probably get off here. Hope al is well! Love you all.

 

xoxoxo

Ely.

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Post juice fast reflection. April 28, 2013

Weight as of March 25th: 355 lbs

Weight as of Day One (April 15th): 341.8 lbs

Weight as of Day Ten (April 25th): 327.3 lbs

Weight lost during fast: 14.5 lbs

Total weight lost since March 25th: 27.7 lbs

Sorry that I hadn’t gotten back to report everything! Its been a busy past few days! I’m so very excited to say that my fast was WILDLY successful, and that I am still feeling excellent!

Over the past day or so I’ve been silently reflecting on what I had gone through, what I learned, and how I still feel about my experiences with my very first juicing fast. First of all, I had to face a lot of my inner demons on this fast, and that in and of itself was probably one of the hardest things I’ve ever put myself through. To be home alone and bored and not being able to eat, but WANTING to eat anyways had caused me to look at myself in the mirror and say “you have a problem eating when you’re bored, and you need to do something about it.” That is hard when you’ve remained ignorant to your problems for so long. I had to face the inner demon telling me that it won’t matter, because I will probably just go back to eating poorly afterwards anyways; I simply just told that one to fuck off, because I can and WILL eat healthier. So far, so good!

Along with recognizing my own demons, I was also able to find more inner strength than I thought possible. I found the strength to ignore the devil on my shoulder who told me it was okay to give up before the ten days were over. I had the strength to listen to the angel on the other shoulder when she said she was proud of me for pushing through those tough moments. I finally had the strength to look at myself and say “Goodness, you are beautiful and you need to always know that about yourself.”

I’m beyond thrilled that I still have an intense sense of motivation that hasn’t wavered since I finished my fast four days ago. I love getting up in the mornings and walking, and I love eating better. I love knowing that this week I’ll be doing my work out video AT LEAST three times and parking further from my building at work to get a little more walking in. I love knowing that most likely I’ll be doing another fast (probably only a week long) in May. I also love being able to proudly write a blog saying that I’ve done well lately. I love being so positive about how everything is going.

At this very moment, I’m recovering from a 25 minute elliptical workout – it feels amazing to sweat and feel just intensely powerful/strong. While I was going, I kept telling myself that the more I do this or any workout the sooner I will be at my goal weight and be so much healthier. I have definitely earned my shower tonight, and that feels fucking AWESOME!

Well, I’m gonna go enjoy that spray down, and I’ll be back in the next few days with another update.

Love tons,

Ely.

 

Morning of Day 8 April 23, 2013

Weight as of Day One (April 15th): 341.8 lbs

Weight as of today: 328.8 lbs

Weight lost: 13 lbs

Total weight lost since March 25th: 26.3 lbs

Well, I’m getting down to the last few days of my juicing. Thursday will be my last day, and I just can’t even believe it. It’s tested just about every nerve in my body to resist temptations, and to remind myself that I’m doing this for a great reason. As recently as yesterday, I was still contemplating ending early – in fact, I was very close to eating a grilled cheese sandwich for lunch. But, I’m determined to see this to the end.

To some, ten days seems like no big deal. To me, ten days was probably the biggest challenge I have put myself through. The experience has been eye opening, to say the least. It’s allowed me to question why I have an emotional relationship with food. I’ve been able to be around others eating and not give in just because I knew something would taste good. Juicing has given me incredible energy that I never really thought I could have. I’m cured of my caffeine addiction, and now I know what my body needs to feel healthy and amazing.

I had an off day yesterday (wanting grilled cheese and all…) but I’m glad I was able to get through it and wake up really positive today. I’m hoping to make the next two days just as positive. :)

I’ll be back soon!

Ely.

 

Day 3: What are the chances of THAT!!! April 18, 2013

Weight as of Day One (April 15th): 341.8 lbs

Weight as of today: 335.7 lbs

Weight lost: 6.1 lbs

Total weight lost since March 25th: 19.3 lbs

WOW! Every time I look at those numbers, I get so excited. I’m pretty convinced that juice fasting is the greatest thing that ever happened to me!

Okay, now for today’s progress. I don’t know what the universe is trying to do to me, but today is definitely going to test me to limits that I couldn’t have ever dreamed of. I’m feeling really great today – lots of energy, mind clearing, and not hardly hungry at all. At work, my supervisor decided to bring donuts to our meeting. The smell actually made me sick to my stomach, and so did the thought of eating one. I was able to get through the meeting alright and without incident. But…

…there is a random pizza party for my department, and it’s being held RIGHT NEXT TO MY FREAKING DESK. My stomach started feeling horrible as soon as I caught the first smell. I don’t want to eat it, but I can’t escape it. My whole floor smells like pizza, and I can’t leave my cubicle. And, as if THAT wasn’t enough of a fresh hell for me…there are ice cream sundaes afterward.

*slams head against desk*

There is a conspiracy…I’m pretty convinced of it.

Giving in and eating any of it of course isn’t an option. It wasn’t even a thought. I love the progress I’m already seeing in myself, and I wouldn’t want to ruin it over a few slices of pizza or a scoop of ice cream. In fact, I know that if I were to eat it, I’d be so sick and would completely regret it. Why do that when I can drink my juice and have no regrets at all?

*sigh* Aside from that, I’m doing awesome today. I don’t even feel like I’m fasting. It just feels like a normal day, normal hungry…The only thing that isn’t normal is having so much more energy! I’m awake, I’m focused, and I’m happy. Well, except for the above issues about pizza…But otherwise, my attitude is great. I don’t remember the last time I felt like this before!

I have a feeling that if I can make it through today, I can make it through any part of this fast. Today is definitely a day of temptations, and it will be a great accomplishment to get through it without giving in. I’m pretty sure I have the will power to do this!

I’ll check in later tonight 🙂

Cheers,

Ely

 

Day 1: Video Blog Fail. April 16, 2013

I consider myself a pretty tech-savvy 23 year old. I’ve been around computers all my life. But for the life of me, I could NOT figure out how to post my video last night. I tried uploading it directly into the blog, but it was too big. So then I tried to upload to Youtube, and it would have taken almost 8 HOURS to finish uploading. Seriously…WTF? How do you guys do this???

Anyways…It’s about 7:30 am, and I’m still finishing up my morning juice. I was a little hungry after drinking the first 8 oz, because I had to get in my car and go to work before I could finish the rest. Now on the last 16oz, I’m feeling better.  I brought another 35 to 37 oz of juice with me for mid-morning and lunch, then will juice again when I get home for dinner. I also have a 64oz water bottle that I’ll be filling up and drinking throughout the day.

My feelings this morning are that I am happy to be doing this – I’m glad I took the plunge and decided to detox my body and life. It’s also still overwhelming and daunting, but I’m trying to just take things one meal at a time. I have a feeling that I will be starving before 9am, and I’m just going to have to get used to it.

To avoid having to go to the refrigerator at work (which is located in the cafeteria where all the other food is) I brought my juice in a bag that can hold ice packs to keep it cold. I’m not sure how well this will work, but I’ll give it a shot. Better than having to tempt myself with food every time I need to get some juice. This way the juice is easily accessible at my desk and I don’t even have to think about being around foods.

Well…here goes day one! I’m excited (and nervous) to see how it goes. I’ll post tonight with my thoughts Wish me luck!

Cheers,

Ely

 

New direction and video blogging. April 15, 2013

Yesterday I watched an amazing movie called Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead. It was about a guy who was exactly what the titles assumes…he was overweight, sick, and knew he was slowly killing himself with food. So, long story short, he juiced fruits and veggies for 60 days, lost nearly 100lbs, and but his illness into remissions. It changed his life forever.

Let me tell you – watching the movie changed my life forever, I can guarantee it.

Tonight, I plan on starting a 10 day juice fast. I will be juicing fresh fruits and veggies, and drinking water and tea throughout to stay hydrated. I researched juice fasting extensively yesterday, and I’m on board to give it a shot. I know that the first week will be incredibly hard. While the body is detoxing there will be many symptoms involved that probably won’t be pleasant. But still…to get healthier, I can get through it!

My first video blog post will be tonight – I feel like it will be easier to explain how I am doing through video rather than writing. I’m super shy and awkward, so it will take some getting used to, but I hope people will watch it. It will definitely help keep me accountable, which is going to be the hardest part of the juice fast.

I also wrote myself a letter to only open when I’m struggling or if my motivation has disappeared. It is a full page letter to remind myself of why I am doing this, and why I should continue. I will carry it on me every day so that I’m never without it.

That’s about it until later. I’ll see ya soon!

-Ely.

NOTE: In light of the bombings in Boston, please please PLEASE be safe and speak up against ANY suspicious activity, no matter what city you are in. Also, if you are able to, please donate to the Red Cross or any other organization that may help the families and those injured. It’s my understanding that many people have lost limbs. My thoughts are with everyone affected, and I will be standing by for more information. RIP to those who have lost their lives.

 

 

Not as sore as I thought I’d be. April 3, 2013

I woke up this morning fully expecting to hardly be able to move from my Bootcamp DVD yesterday. My mom got me up again around 4:30, and I just laid there…not wanting to move. When I finally did, I was surprised that I could move my legs and arms and abs around with very little pain. Then I thought maybe it will kick in when we start walking. I waited…and waited…and waited…nope. Didn’t happen.

I almost felt cheated, to tell you the truth. I wanted to feel the burn and remember how good it felt to work out. I wanted to feel the lingering soreness as a badge of honor to what I had accomplished the previous day. I was a little sad when I wasn’t feeling it. No matter…I’ll try again today! I will admit, the workout wasn’t nearly as hard as I always remember it. Perhaps it’s because I’ve been walking a lot lately?

I’m planning on trying to do that workout every day this week, including when I am taking the day off on Friday. I am also going to try to cut back on the amount of fruit that I am eating, and focus on eating way more veggies. I definitely feel like my system is in a good working order, and I can tell that my metabolism is up because I’m hungrier throughout the day. These are definitely good signs!

As Friday draws closer and closer, I have been trying to plan ahead on how to not use up all my points while I’m out. I don’t want a night out for my birthday to ruin all my progress! Unfortunately, I think that means a shots to avoid sugary cocktails. Or no drinking at all. Which honestly doesn’t seem fun. Does anyone have ANY suggestions??? I am trying to promise myself not to blow it!

Right now, everything is going wonderfully. I feel good, and my confidence is up and at ’em! Here’s to another awesome day!

Cheers,

Ely.

 

 

 
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