lostinalife

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O, alcohol. May 5, 2013

I don’t have a drinking problem, though when you read this you will think that I do.

I like writing when the drunk opportunistic arises, though I feel bad that it’s the second time in a week. But anyways, I have a few friends over, one of them a male, the other a female. The female I have had a crush 0ne for the longest time. The male is different, obviously. I’m drunk, but checking my spelling quite closely, and the only friend staying over is the guy. No big, he’s like my brother, I love him to death.

Fuck, this is taking too long. I can’t seem to type without proper grammar and shit. Whatever. I will try to let it go. Don’t think I am. UGH. FINE. I am drunk with my best friend and mom. SO EFFING SUE ME. Don’t care. ANYWAYS. My best friend is a guy. I think if I wasn’t gay then I’d be with him. That’s a weird thing to say. He’s just a cool guy. ANYWAY FUCKING WAYS. I’m talking to this girl. She seems legit. Ish. I don’t know how old she is. But I’m ready to be done with all these games and shit.

I want someone. I wants someone who understands me and loves me. I wants someone who gets why I love my family and why I care so much.

I suppose doing this blog doesn’t help…Finn, what do you think? I know this is the second drunk post I’ve made. Why don’t I fly across the pond and live with you? Maybe life would be less complicated. Perhaps I will fly across the pond anyways. You’re my favorite on this blog. But I digress. I hope my friends undersrtand me. I hope they get my I am frustrated. I hope they understand why I can’t seem to share my feelings. Oh well. I give up. I don’t understad what love means right now. I hate feelign this way.

Anywho,, mom’s home from her walk, shoul probably get off here. Hope al is well! Love you all.

 

xoxoxo

Ely.

 

Post juice fast reflection. April 28, 2013

Weight as of March 25th: 355 lbs

Weight as of Day One (April 15th): 341.8 lbs

Weight as of Day Ten (April 25th): 327.3 lbs

Weight lost during fast: 14.5 lbs

Total weight lost since March 25th: 27.7 lbs

Sorry that I hadn’t gotten back to report everything! Its been a busy past few days! I’m so very excited to say that my fast was WILDLY successful, and that I am still feeling excellent!

Over the past day or so I’ve been silently reflecting on what I had gone through, what I learned, and how I still feel about my experiences with my very first juicing fast. First of all, I had to face a lot of my inner demons on this fast, and that in and of itself was probably one of the hardest things I’ve ever put myself through. To be home alone and bored and not being able to eat, but WANTING to eat anyways had caused me to look at myself in the mirror and say “you have a problem eating when you’re bored, and you need to do something about it.” That is hard when you’ve remained ignorant to your problems for so long. I had to face the inner demon telling me that it won’t matter, because I will probably just go back to eating poorly afterwards anyways; I simply just told that one to fuck off, because I can and WILL eat healthier. So far, so good!

Along with recognizing my own demons, I was also able to find more inner strength than I thought possible. I found the strength to ignore the devil on my shoulder who told me it was okay to give up before the ten days were over. I had the strength to listen to the angel on the other shoulder when she said she was proud of me for pushing through those tough moments. I finally had the strength to look at myself and say “Goodness, you are beautiful and you need to always know that about yourself.”

I’m beyond thrilled that I still have an intense sense of motivation that hasn’t wavered since I finished my fast four days ago. I love getting up in the mornings and walking, and I love eating better. I love knowing that this week I’ll be doing my work out video AT LEAST three times and parking further from my building at work to get a little more walking in. I love knowing that most likely I’ll be doing another fast (probably only a week long) in May. I also love being able to proudly write a blog saying that I’ve done well lately. I love being so positive about how everything is going.

At this very moment, I’m recovering from a 25 minute elliptical workout – it feels amazing to sweat and feel just intensely powerful/strong. While I was going, I kept telling myself that the more I do this or any workout the sooner I will be at my goal weight and be so much healthier. I have definitely earned my shower tonight, and that feels fucking AWESOME!

Well, I’m gonna go enjoy that spray down, and I’ll be back in the next few days with another update.

Love tons,

Ely.

 

Morning of Day 8 April 23, 2013

Weight as of Day One (April 15th): 341.8 lbs

Weight as of today: 328.8 lbs

Weight lost: 13 lbs

Total weight lost since March 25th: 26.3 lbs

Well, I’m getting down to the last few days of my juicing. Thursday will be my last day, and I just can’t even believe it. It’s tested just about every nerve in my body to resist temptations, and to remind myself that I’m doing this for a great reason. As recently as yesterday, I was still contemplating ending early – in fact, I was very close to eating a grilled cheese sandwich for lunch. But, I’m determined to see this to the end.

To some, ten days seems like no big deal. To me, ten days was probably the biggest challenge I have put myself through. The experience has been eye opening, to say the least. It’s allowed me to question why I have an emotional relationship with food. I’ve been able to be around others eating and not give in just because I knew something would taste good. Juicing has given me incredible energy that I never really thought I could have. I’m cured of my caffeine addiction, and now I know what my body needs to feel healthy and amazing.

I had an off day yesterday (wanting grilled cheese and all…) but I’m glad I was able to get through it and wake up really positive today. I’m hoping to make the next two days just as positive. :)

I’ll be back soon!

Ely.

 

Day 3: What are the chances of THAT!!! April 18, 2013

Weight as of Day One (April 15th): 341.8 lbs

Weight as of today: 335.7 lbs

Weight lost: 6.1 lbs

Total weight lost since March 25th: 19.3 lbs

WOW! Every time I look at those numbers, I get so excited. I’m pretty convinced that juice fasting is the greatest thing that ever happened to me!

Okay, now for today’s progress. I don’t know what the universe is trying to do to me, but today is definitely going to test me to limits that I couldn’t have ever dreamed of. I’m feeling really great today – lots of energy, mind clearing, and not hardly hungry at all. At work, my supervisor decided to bring donuts to our meeting. The smell actually made me sick to my stomach, and so did the thought of eating one. I was able to get through the meeting alright and without incident. But…

…there is a random pizza party for my department, and it’s being held RIGHT NEXT TO MY FREAKING DESK. My stomach started feeling horrible as soon as I caught the first smell. I don’t want to eat it, but I can’t escape it. My whole floor smells like pizza, and I can’t leave my cubicle. And, as if THAT wasn’t enough of a fresh hell for me…there are ice cream sundaes afterward.

*slams head against desk*

There is a conspiracy…I’m pretty convinced of it.

Giving in and eating any of it of course isn’t an option. It wasn’t even a thought. I love the progress I’m already seeing in myself, and I wouldn’t want to ruin it over a few slices of pizza or a scoop of ice cream. In fact, I know that if I were to eat it, I’d be so sick and would completely regret it. Why do that when I can drink my juice and have no regrets at all?

*sigh* Aside from that, I’m doing awesome today. I don’t even feel like I’m fasting. It just feels like a normal day, normal hungry…The only thing that isn’t normal is having so much more energy! I’m awake, I’m focused, and I’m happy. Well, except for the above issues about pizza…But otherwise, my attitude is great. I don’t remember the last time I felt like this before!

I have a feeling that if I can make it through today, I can make it through any part of this fast. Today is definitely a day of temptations, and it will be a great accomplishment to get through it without giving in. I’m pretty sure I have the will power to do this!

I’ll check in later tonight 🙂

Cheers,

Ely

 

Day 2: Well, would you look at that… April 17, 2013

Weight as of Monday: 341.8 lbs

Weight as of this morning: 338.6 lbs

Total lost: 3.2 lbs

Total lost since March 25th: 16.4lbs

Whoa! Talk about detoxing…What a crazy amount of weight lost already! And it’s only the second day!

I’m feeling pretty good, except for feeling a bit nauseous this morning. I haven’t finished my breakfast juice because frankly, I’m not all that hungry. I’ll probably just sip on it for a while. I can feel that I’m still cleaning out old waste, and I think that’s what is making me not feel the best. I do have a headache, most likely from my caffeine withdraws, but I figure they will pass soon.

Fun fact about why you get headaches when you quit drinking caffeine…Caffeine helps create more spinal fluid that goes into the spinal column, of course protecting your spinal cord. When you stop drinking caffeine, you’re making less spinal fluid, and sending a “danger” signal to your brain because it now thinks you’re not going to have enough to protect everything. The headaches wear off when your brain realizes that your spinal cord is not in any danger.

Crazy stuff, right? I learned that once when I had to have a lumbar puncture, or “spinal tap”. They made me drink lots of caffeine to avoid a “spinal headache” due to lack of spinal fluid. Terrible thing is, I ended up getting the spinal headache anyways. Literally the WORST pain I have ever experienced in my life…

Anyways, I woke up with more energy this morning. I was able to get through my morning walk at a really brisk pace, and I think I chatted my stepdad’s ear off about juicing and how great I was feeling. He was really surprised about my 3lb weight loss already, and I have to admit, I was surprised too. I figured okay…maybe a pound, MAYBE two…but three? Awesome! Oh, and when I walked down my stairs this morning, I had absolutely no joint pain. Usually I practically limp down the stairs, but my knees and ankles felt great. How awesome is that??

Today I juiced cucumber, carrots, spinach, green apple, pear, lemon, grapefruit, and ginger for my breakfast juice. It tastes wonderful (just like grapefruit!) and I think the ginger is really the key ingredient. It’s so good for you! My lunch juice is lettuce, cucumber, lime, green apple, spinach, celery, carrots, and of course more ginger. I’ll have to go back to the produce stand tonight for more veggies…I’m starting to run out!

It’s already getting easier to ignore the small hunger pangs, and I don’t even have the desire to eat anything. I think it’s a “mind over matter” thing, and it definitely helps  to already be seeing results and feeling better. I’m still just taking everything one day/meal/thought at a time. I know that if I continue like this, I’ll be able to make it for however many days I feel I can get through!

Well, I’ll post more tonight about how I’m doing…here’s to a great day!

Cheers,

Ely.

 

Day 1: Continued April 16, 2013

It is now the end of my first day of fasting with fresh juice. I have not eaten solid food since 1pm yesterday afternoon, and so far, I’m doing alright.

I’m not going to lie…today wasn’t a walk in the park at all. I had a dull headache off and on all day, my mind has been a little foggy, and my muscles are a little achy. It’s not horrible, but it’s enough to notice. I was hungry a good part of the day, but again…it wasn’t bad. It was easy enough to be able to push through and ignore.

I’m a little nervous for tomorrow, because I know it’s going to get a little harder. At the same time, I look forward to saying that I’ve completed two whole days. I’m trying to take this just one day/one thought at a time, because I find the thought of doing this for 10 days and not eating completely weird and scary. I know that’s probably horrible, but it’s true. But, all I can do is see how I feel 10 days from now.

That’s really about it…there’s nothing much to report. I’m doing okay, and I’ll get through these first few days. We’ll see you tomorrow!

Cheers,

Ely.

 

Another weigh in! Doing great! April 9, 2013

Starting weight: 355lbs

Last week’s weight: 342.6lbs

Today’s weight: 341.8lbs

Total lost: 13.2lbs!

Yay! I’m quite excited at my weigh in. I know it’s less than a full pound, but any loss is good loss! Getting closer and closer to my goals! Not to mention I had completely blown my points Friday night when we went out. I would have been happy losing just an ounce, to be honest.

I had a really good birthday yesterday, and got some lovely gifts. Most notably of course are the tickets to see/meet Jillian Michaels tomorrow evening in Seattle. I’m still so freaking excited that I can hardly contain myself. I don’t know how I will get through today and tomorrow! My mom also got me a Weight Watchers cookbook. It has some really great looking recipes that I can’t wait to try! It will be nice to not eat the same things over and over again – adding a little variety will be awesome.

Mom and I are still getting up in the mornings and walking. We calculated that we walk approximately a half mile in about 10 – 11 minutes each morning, and we are thinking of making it a full mile in the next few days. Unfortunately, due to events going on this week, I won’t really be able to get a workout in until Thursday. My workout days will be Thursday, Saturday, and Sunday. Gotta make sure to keep moving!

I’m looking forward to asking Jillian some questions tomorrow. What’s the best exercise to start with for someone as big as I am? What exercises can I do to help burn fat quickly? Will you marry me? Oh…wait….probably shouldn’t ask that last one. That could get awkward. Regardless, the offer still stands. But what other things can should I ask? Do any of YOU have any questions you want me to get answers to?

Well, I’m happy to still be doing well and to be going on the right track. Can’t wait for tomorrow! Until then…

Cheers,

Ely.

 

 
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