lostinalife

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O, alcohol. May 5, 2013

I don’t have a drinking problem, though when you read this you will think that I do.

I like writing when the drunk opportunistic arises, though I feel bad that it’s the second time in a week. But anyways, I have a few friends over, one of them a male, the other a female. The female I have had a crush 0ne for the longest time. The male is different, obviously. I’m drunk, but checking my spelling quite closely, and the only friend staying over is the guy. No big, he’s like my brother, I love him to death.

Fuck, this is taking too long. I can’t seem to type without proper grammar and shit. Whatever. I will try to let it go. Don’t think I am. UGH. FINE. I am drunk with my best friend and mom. SO EFFING SUE ME. Don’t care. ANYWAYS. My best friend is a guy. I think if I wasn’t gay then I’d be with him. That’s a weird thing to say. He’s just a cool guy. ANYWAY FUCKING WAYS. I’m talking to this girl. She seems legit. Ish. I don’t know how old she is. But I’m ready to be done with all these games and shit.

I want someone. I wants someone who understands me and loves me. I wants someone who gets why I love my family and why I care so much.

I suppose doing this blog doesn’t help…Finn, what do you think? I know this is the second drunk post I’ve made. Why don’t I fly across the pond and live with you? Maybe life would be less complicated. Perhaps I will fly across the pond anyways. You’re my favorite on this blog. But I digress. I hope my friends undersrtand me. I hope they get my I am frustrated. I hope they understand why I can’t seem to share my feelings. Oh well. I give up. I don’t understad what love means right now. I hate feelign this way.

Anywho,, mom’s home from her walk, shoul probably get off here. Hope al is well! Love you all.

 

xoxoxo

Ely.

 

Day 2: Well, would you look at that… April 17, 2013

Weight as of Monday: 341.8 lbs

Weight as of this morning: 338.6 lbs

Total lost: 3.2 lbs

Total lost since March 25th: 16.4lbs

Whoa! Talk about detoxing…What a crazy amount of weight lost already! And it’s only the second day!

I’m feeling pretty good, except for feeling a bit nauseous this morning. I haven’t finished my breakfast juice because frankly, I’m not all that hungry. I’ll probably just sip on it for a while. I can feel that I’m still cleaning out old waste, and I think that’s what is making me not feel the best. I do have a headache, most likely from my caffeine withdraws, but I figure they will pass soon.

Fun fact about why you get headaches when you quit drinking caffeine…Caffeine helps create more spinal fluid that goes into the spinal column, of course protecting your spinal cord. When you stop drinking caffeine, you’re making less spinal fluid, and sending a “danger” signal to your brain because it now thinks you’re not going to have enough to protect everything. The headaches wear off when your brain realizes that your spinal cord is not in any danger.

Crazy stuff, right? I learned that once when I had to have a lumbar puncture, or “spinal tap”. They made me drink lots of caffeine to avoid a “spinal headache” due to lack of spinal fluid. Terrible thing is, I ended up getting the spinal headache anyways. Literally the WORST pain I have ever experienced in my life…

Anyways, I woke up with more energy this morning. I was able to get through my morning walk at a really brisk pace, and I think I chatted my stepdad’s ear off about juicing and how great I was feeling. He was really surprised about my 3lb weight loss already, and I have to admit, I was surprised too. I figured okay…maybe a pound, MAYBE two…but three? Awesome! Oh, and when I walked down my stairs this morning, I had absolutely no joint pain. Usually I practically limp down the stairs, but my knees and ankles felt great. How awesome is that??

Today I juiced cucumber, carrots, spinach, green apple, pear, lemon, grapefruit, and ginger for my breakfast juice. It tastes wonderful (just like grapefruit!) and I think the ginger is really the key ingredient. It’s so good for you! My lunch juice is lettuce, cucumber, lime, green apple, spinach, celery, carrots, and of course more ginger. I’ll have to go back to the produce stand tonight for more veggies…I’m starting to run out!

It’s already getting easier to ignore the small hunger pangs, and I don’t even have the desire to eat anything. I think it’s a “mind over matter” thing, and it definitely helps  to already be seeing results and feeling better. I’m still just taking everything one day/meal/thought at a time. I know that if I continue like this, I’ll be able to make it for however many days I feel I can get through!

Well, I’ll post more tonight about how I’m doing…here’s to a great day!

Cheers,

Ely.

 

Pictures from my past, and another awesome day. March 26, 2013

While I was helping my mom delete a bunch of stuff from her computer, we found a folder of a ton of pictures we hadn’t seen in forever. We rummaged through it, laughing at how crazy it was that time had flown by so quickly. We found a few pictures of me from my early high school days, probably when I was a sophomore. It was amazing to see how different I looked. I was probably 100lbs lighter, to be honest, and I looked really good! I wasn’t perfect, and I still had a lot of weight to lose at the time, but it’s a night and day difference from then to now.

It made me want to keep doing this even more; it made me remember how I looked, how I felt, and how good I had it back then. It made me want to kick myself in the ass for not trying harder at the time to get healthier. Most of it, it gave me a reminder how how worth it this whole thing is. I know that when I do get to my (first) goal of losing 100lbs, I will feel so much better, and I will have way more confidence in myself. I can’t wait!

Speaking of which, today was a great day. Despite only catching a few hours of ZzzZZzz’s last night, I woke up at 4:30 again with my mom for our walk, then once again resisted the urge to fall back asleep. I pre-tracked my points on Weight Watchers for breakfast and lunch, and even had a few minutes to sit and read a new book I bought last night. I’m really not minding getting up so early. It feels good to have a decent routine!

When I weighed myself last week, I will admit that it was in the evening after I had already eaten. It was a bad time for a weight check, but I had to enter something in when I signed up for Weight Watchers again. When I weighed myself this morning, I had been down 9lbs from that starting weight. Now, I’m smart and know that my beginning weight wasn’t entirely accurate, but I also know that a few of those pounds are from watching what I eat and walking more. Regardless, it felt like I was on the right track.

This is still a “one day at a time” effort, but it’s already feeling wonderful. It feels effortless, and I think that’s the best part. Having my mom wake me up in the morning to walk is a great thing, as is planning my breakfast and lunch prior to going to work. I was hardly even hungry today between meals, AND I still have points left over for today! I think I’m starting to get the hang of it again 🙂

For now, I’m off to hit the shower and get to bed. I need to catch up on some of my missed sleep from last night. Here’s to progress!

Cheers,

Ely.

 

Whole30 January 31, 2013

I’ve been cruising though the “paleo” tags on WordPress, and the same thing keeps popping up – I keep seeing “Day __ of Whole30”. So I didn’t some research.

…I love it. It’s even more strict than just going paleo, but MAN! It really got me motivated! I was on the website and when they were talking about the excuses that people make, I thought “Wow…that sounds a helluva lot like me. Oops.” It was honest, it was tough, and it made me put on my game face and think “LET’S DO THIS!”

So yes, on Monday, February 4th, I’m going to do the Whole30 challenge. I think it’s just what I need to really get serious, as well as complete my commitment to myself and my new life. I feel like I’m totally ready to take on the world right now!

Anyways, I know this is my second post of the day, but I wanted to announce that. Has anyone else done it? How did it go?

-Elysia

 

The emotions of a song. November 4, 2012

(The music while reading this helps bring out the emotion. Please enjoy.)

It’s like I’m running through a city; New York and no one can hear me scream and cry for someone to help me. I just want help…All I need is someone to talk to and no one will listen to me.

I need something solid…Something real to grab onto so that I can stay afloat. New York has turned into a huge ocean, and I am trying to swim, but I can’t keep up with the water. I don’t want to drown; I don’t want to leave yet. I haven’t lived, I haven’t done nearly enough in my life. I want to get married, raise a family, and love them forever and never let them go.

Why can’t anyone hear me?! I’m screaming so loud! I’m looking right at people, and they look at me, but it’s like I’m not even there. Don’t let me drown in all of this! Don’t let the pressure of the water take me under! The faster I swim, the more the water pushes from behind me, and rushes waves over the top of me, pulling me down. I can get up to breath, but then I’m pulled away again.

New York is dark; I am alone. There is no one. The water has faded, but the city changes again. The lights have all disappeared in the buildings, and one by one, the street lamps are failing. No cars, no people, nothing. I look down, and the feeling of loneliness washes over me like one of the waves. A tear drop falls to the ground, and the rain begins to pour all around me. I can’t move. I can’t will my feet to take a step, and the rain continues to soak every inch of me.

I can no longer tell the difference between my tears and the raindrops. The harder I cry, the faster the rain falls. Sobs become lightening, and I can’t stop. Every ache, every pain flows out of me and into the rain collecting at my feet. The rain pounds harder and harder, but suddenly, there’s no more. Everything slows, until I finally bring my head up. And there she is.

The rain ceases, and the city brightens once again. She stands in the shadow of the street lights, and she is the only one. Everything is quiet, and she walks up to me, and takes my hand.

“It’s okay. I’m here.”

My whole body shakes with relief and longing. I sag into her arms, and we fall to our knees. She has saved me. Suddenly, the tears flow again, but this time, I’m not alone.

I breathe in the smell of her hair, and I feel the warmth of her touch. I can feel her smile, and I know her heart. The sun rises over the water, and we stare into the ocean. I feel free.

With her, I feel infinite.

(This is a creative writing I did based on the above song, and the emotions that I felt completely rolling out of me while I listened. Of course, it’s abstract, but it moved me to tears as I wrote it.)

 

Week Four of Weight Watchers… October 14, 2012

I was quite depressed at my last weight in on the October 6th. I was really sick (terrible flu! GET YOUR FLU SHOTS!!!) and Mother Nature had paid me an uninvited visit. I was bloated and felt gross, and low and behold, I had gained 3lbs. I wanted to cry; I was scared that it was something I was doing wrong. I didn’t want to go to the meeting, but I stayed and celebrated that my friend had lost 5% already. I sat there wanting to disappear.

I’ll be honest, I tried to come up with excuses for not going on Saturday. I’m lucky that I am doing this with my best friend, because not going was simply not an option for her. I very reluctantly got on the scale…

…and I had lost 4.6lbs.

I was confused for a moment…I asked the receptionist “Is that 4.6lbs total, or for the week?”

She smiled, as if she had been asked that hundreds of times, and said “No, hun…that is just this week! You’re 9lbs down total!”

Weight Watchers lady, you completely made my day! Four weeks, and I am down 9lbs! My brother had said that it doesn’t sound like much, but at the same time, I’ve been told my face looks thinner, and I feel like it is actual FAT, and not just water. I will admit, the past two weeks have been dicey, and I haven’t tracked EVERYTHING that I have been eating, and that’s bad. I need to make sure to keep tracking, BUT, I feel like this is working great for me!

Tomorrow is going to be a true test, though…I am baking my mom a cake tomorrow. Spice cake with a spiced frosting, and I am baking it by myself. No one around. No one to see the spoonful of frosting here, or the taste test there. No one but me. But, what I eat in private shows up in public, right?

I am quite excited for my baking tomorrow, though. I don’t believe I have ever mentioned it, but I absolutely love baking. Eventually, I would love to open my own bakery, and make wedding cakes. I haven’t gone to school for it yet, but I plan to in the next year or so. I love decorating and watching people smile when they see what I have made for them. It’s such an indescribable feeling.

So, for this skeptic, WW has been great for me thus far. I’m learning so much about myself, and they are things that I can take with me through my entire life. It’s not a diet, it is a true lifestyle change. I’m changing eating habits, and learning from my body when I am and am not hungry. It’s fantastic, and I am happy that I am 8lbs away from losing 5% already. I’m hoping to achieve that goal in three weeks.

Well, that’s about all I have for tonight. I might hop on here tomorrow and share pictures of my cake creation, assuming it turns out pretty and edible.

Hope you have a wonderful night 🙂

Xoxo Elysia

PS — Seahawks beat the Patriots today!!!!!!!!!!! YAYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Week One of Weight Watchers. September 23, 2012

Filed under: Life,Weight loss — lostinalife @ 8:33 pm
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,

Well, I did it. I finally joined Weight Watchers with the encouragement from a very good friend of mine. I have been incredibly skeptical of Weight Watchers for a long time; I’ve made up every excuse in the book to not join. I joined Sunday September 16th, and one week later, here’s what happened…

On a typical day, my meals consisted of an energy drink, some sort of bacon, egg, and cheese, and some calorie and fat packed lunch. Being insulin resistant, this was not a good idea, and weight started piling on. I was drinking pop like no one’s business, and I was some how okay with it. This past year, I’ve gone through a lot of changes in my life; I came out and accepted being lesbian, I moved back in with my parents after a bad break up, and I struggled with depression. After the break up and realizing I was depressed, I looked at myself in the mirror – I mean I took a really close look. I hated what I saw.

I weighed in last Sunday at 343lbs, and I wanted to die.

So, joining Weight Watchers was very important to me. My friend brought me to a meeting before I signed up, and it did open my eyes to show that I was not the only one who struggled. It was already a warming feeling to know that I was not alone. Starting on Sunday, I got to work.

I didn’t really mean to make changes, honestly. I saw how many points my Rockstar drinks were, and didn’t want to waste the points on them. I found the nutritional info for the meals I had been eating, and was stunned. I began switching things without even thinking about it. Water, to save on points, and fruit and veggies, because they are zero points. I won’t lie, I had a burger for lunch, and I even enjoyed a beer or two, but each day, I stayed below my allotted points, and even kicked a nasty caffeine addiction that I had struggled with for far too long.

I weighed in yesterday 5.8lbs lighter.

It’s not much considering what a long journey I have ahead of me, but god damn I lost nearly 6 lbs! I can’t even describe the feeling. I was doubtful for so long, and didn’t think this could possibly work for me, but there it was – results already! I know it has to be due to water weight, and skipping on the high sugar beverages, but still. I couldn’t stop smiling.

I don’t expect to lose 6lbs each week, and clearly, that would be unhealthy. But for some reason, Weight Watchers has given me a structure that I could never put together myself, and motivation that I have simply never had before. Getting on the scale yesterday in front of the receptionist and my best friend was scary, but it also made me want to continue to try my absolute hardest at this.

Here’s to hoping my weigh in on September 29th also wields great results!

Xoxo – Elysia

 

 
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