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Absolutely terrified July 22, 2013

Filed under: Uncategorized — lostinalife @ 7:58 pm
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I’m so scared to get back on the scale. It makes me just want to cry thinking about it. I’ve completely neglected myself; lost all control over my eating and activity. I can see negative changes to my body…things are getting hard to do. My face is getting fatter. My ankles are bigger. I can’t do this any more. I just can’t. I CAN’T DO IT.

I’m ashamed of myself in every way possible. I hate going anywhere, doing anything…I went to see a movie with my family yesterday, and I had to sit a seat away from everyone because I was in everyone’s space. I HAD TO SIT AWAY FROM MY FAMILY AND SIT ALL BY MY FUCKING SELF BECAUSE I WAS TOO FAT. I’ve done this all to myself – I know I have. I’m horrified, sickened, disgusted. I don’t even know what to do anymore.

I guess I’m going to start juicing again in the mornings, and trying to eat better during the day. I’ve also been going to water aerobics lately with some co workers so that’s going alright. I have to do something about this. I don’t want to die of a heart attack in my 20s. I refuse to slowly kill myself anymore. Yesterday was a huge eye opener for me, and I intend to use it as major motivation.

I’m also going to try to establish a doctor in my area for guidance. I need some serious help, and I need to get back onto my PCOS medication. I’m insulin resistant…that isn’t helping anything AT ALL. It’s not diabetes, but it’s very close.

So, I guess that’s it. I’m sorry for being gone (working over 50+ hours a week lately), and I probably will only post every few days, but I need to get something started here. I was doing so well for a while, and I’d love to get back to that. I would do anything to get back to that.



Day 1: Video Blog Fail. April 16, 2013

I consider myself a pretty tech-savvy 23 year old. I’ve been around computers all my life. But for the life of me, I could NOT figure out how to post my video last night. I tried uploading it directly into the blog, but it was too big. So then I tried to upload to Youtube, and it would have taken almost 8 HOURS to finish uploading. Seriously…WTF? How do you guys do this???

Anyways…It’s about 7:30 am, and I’m still finishing up my morning juice. I was a little hungry after drinking the first 8 oz, because I had to get in my car and go to work before I could finish the rest. Now on the last 16oz, I’m feeling better.  I brought another 35 to 37 oz of juice with me for mid-morning and lunch, then will juice again when I get home for dinner. I also have a 64oz water bottle that I’ll be filling up and drinking throughout the day.

My feelings this morning are that I am happy to be doing this – I’m glad I took the plunge and decided to detox my body and life. It’s also still overwhelming and daunting, but I’m trying to just take things one meal at a time. I have a feeling that I will be starving before 9am, and I’m just going to have to get used to it.

To avoid having to go to the refrigerator at work (which is located in the cafeteria where all the other food is) I brought my juice in a bag that can hold ice packs to keep it cold. I’m not sure how well this will work, but I’ll give it a shot. Better than having to tempt myself with food every time I need to get some juice. This way the juice is easily accessible at my desk and I don’t even have to think about being around foods.

Well…here goes day one! I’m excited (and nervous) to see how it goes. I’ll post tonight with my thoughts Wish me luck!




First day of the rest of my life January 23, 2013

Before I went to bed last night, I just laid there thinking “Man…this is so not gonna happen” and it literally kept me up until almost one o’clock in the morning. What kind of crap is that?! Not even a few hours into it, and I was already getting ready to throw in the towel, get on Facebook, and just say “HAHA JUST KIDDING! I LOVE ALL OF YOU AND I’M NOT LEAVING!”

….but then I finally fell asleep. And apparently sleeping on it helped a little bit.

I woke up this morning with some flecks of doubt, and I figured that was okay. I’ll probably have those doubts for a little while as I get used to everything. I made myself breakfast (fresh veggie omelet) and went on my way to work. Since I am a caffeine addict, I had to have a cup of coffee, but instead of sugary creamer, I just used half and half…and it wasn’t bad at all! I was pleasantly surprised.

As I’m typing, I’m not even hungry. It’s almost 10am, I’m in a good mood, and feeling better about my choice to do this. Last night, I got an AMAZING amount of encouragement from my friends who read my last Facebook post, and who went on to read my blog post to see what I was up to. So far, I’m not even having withdrawals from Facebook. How about that, eh? I’m going pretty strong this morning 🙂

Oh…and I also told my youngest brother that I would give him $50 if I go on Facebook before I lost 100lbs. Given that I am usually dead broke, I plan on keeping that promise. We shook hands and everything. It was pretty legit.

So, there’s my motivation! A healthier body and keeping my $50…seems like a great thing to me. I’m on a great start, and I can’t wait to see where it goes.

Keep calm and rock on,




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