lostinalife

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O, alcohol. May 5, 2013

I don’t have a drinking problem, though when you read this you will think that I do.

I like writing when the drunk opportunistic arises, though I feel bad that it’s the second time in a week. But anyways, I have a few friends over, one of them a male, the other a female. The female I have had a crush 0ne for the longest time. The male is different, obviously. I’m drunk, but checking my spelling quite closely, and the only friend staying over is the guy. No big, he’s like my brother, I love him to death.

Fuck, this is taking too long. I can’t seem to type without proper grammar and shit. Whatever. I will try to let it go. Don’t think I am. UGH. FINE. I am drunk with my best friend and mom. SO EFFING SUE ME. Don’t care. ANYWAYS. My best friend is a guy. I think if I wasn’t gay then I’d be with him. That’s a weird thing to say. He’s just a cool guy. ANYWAY FUCKING WAYS. I’m talking to this girl. She seems legit. Ish. I don’t know how old she is. But I’m ready to be done with all these games and shit.

I want someone. I wants someone who understands me and loves me. I wants someone who gets why I love my family and why I care so much.

I suppose doing this blog doesn’t help…Finn, what do you think? I know this is the second drunk post I’ve made. Why don’t I fly across the pond and live with you? Maybe life would be less complicated. Perhaps I will fly across the pond anyways. You’re my favorite on this blog. But I digress. I hope my friends undersrtand me. I hope they get my I am frustrated. I hope they understand why I can’t seem to share my feelings. Oh well. I give up. I don’t understad what love means right now. I hate feelign this way.

Anywho,, mom’s home from her walk, shoul probably get off here. Hope al is well! Love you all.

 

xoxoxo

Ely.

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Post juice fast reflection. April 28, 2013

Weight as of March 25th: 355 lbs

Weight as of Day One (April 15th): 341.8 lbs

Weight as of Day Ten (April 25th): 327.3 lbs

Weight lost during fast: 14.5 lbs

Total weight lost since March 25th: 27.7 lbs

Sorry that I hadn’t gotten back to report everything! Its been a busy past few days! I’m so very excited to say that my fast was WILDLY successful, and that I am still feeling excellent!

Over the past day or so I’ve been silently reflecting on what I had gone through, what I learned, and how I still feel about my experiences with my very first juicing fast. First of all, I had to face a lot of my inner demons on this fast, and that in and of itself was probably one of the hardest things I’ve ever put myself through. To be home alone and bored and not being able to eat, but WANTING to eat anyways had caused me to look at myself in the mirror and say “you have a problem eating when you’re bored, and you need to do something about it.” That is hard when you’ve remained ignorant to your problems for so long. I had to face the inner demon telling me that it won’t matter, because I will probably just go back to eating poorly afterwards anyways; I simply just told that one to fuck off, because I can and WILL eat healthier. So far, so good!

Along with recognizing my own demons, I was also able to find more inner strength than I thought possible. I found the strength to ignore the devil on my shoulder who told me it was okay to give up before the ten days were over. I had the strength to listen to the angel on the other shoulder when she said she was proud of me for pushing through those tough moments. I finally had the strength to look at myself and say “Goodness, you are beautiful and you need to always know that about yourself.”

I’m beyond thrilled that I still have an intense sense of motivation that hasn’t wavered since I finished my fast four days ago. I love getting up in the mornings and walking, and I love eating better. I love knowing that this week I’ll be doing my work out video AT LEAST three times and parking further from my building at work to get a little more walking in. I love knowing that most likely I’ll be doing another fast (probably only a week long) in May. I also love being able to proudly write a blog saying that I’ve done well lately. I love being so positive about how everything is going.

At this very moment, I’m recovering from a 25 minute elliptical workout – it feels amazing to sweat and feel just intensely powerful/strong. While I was going, I kept telling myself that the more I do this or any workout the sooner I will be at my goal weight and be so much healthier. I have definitely earned my shower tonight, and that feels fucking AWESOME!

Well, I’m gonna go enjoy that spray down, and I’ll be back in the next few days with another update.

Love tons,

Ely.

 

Day 6 of juicing April 21, 2013

Weight as of Day One (April 15th): 341.8 lbs

Weight as of today: 331.5 lbs

Weight lost: 10.3 lbs

Total weight lost since March 25th: 23.5 lbs

Tomorrow at 1pm marks seven full days since I have eaten anything, and since I have began juicing. For the life of me, I really can’t believe I’ve done it. I can’t believe that I’ve gone this long, and resisted all the temptations that have been around me. This weekend has been the absolute hardest part, and I’ll explain why…

Yesterday my mom wanted to go to a plant nursery and produce stand that she passes every day on her way to work. My parents, brother, and I went and enjoyed the stand very much – it had great prices and my mom found some plants she had been looking for. It was getting towards dinner time, and I had juiced something quickly before we left, but it wasn’t close to what I normally juice. My family was hungry but didn’t want to eat anything because of me. I told them not to worry about it – I can handle them eating in front of me. Well, they chose pho, which happens to be one of my favorite foods. No matter…I figured I would just order some tea and be alright.

As soon as we walked in, I knew I was in for a struggle. It smelled amazing in there! When they ordered, I asked for tea and lime for my water. Their food came, and my stomach began to rumble. About ten minutes passed, and I was doing alright. I watched the tv hanging on the wall and tried to ignore the smells around me. A waiter came by to fill my water and asked if they had forgotten my order. I smiled and said no, but thank you. Another waiter came by and nearly gave me a plate meant for another table. It became a little harder to ignore everything, but I continued to drink my water and focus on the tv screen. Eventually everyone was finished, and I all but ran out of the restaurant. Phew! It was over!

I woke up this morning ready to just sit on the couch all day and totally relax. My body woke itself up around 7:30am, which is a miracle because normally on the weekends I sleep until 9 or 10am. I felt rested, and that made me happy. Getting on the scale of course was even better. The day was great until my mom decided that she was going to make stuffed peppers for dinner. Once again, this was one of my favorite foods. I LOVE stuffed peppers. My mom didn’t realize this and felt kind of bad, but of course she wasn’t going to change plans for the rest of the family. I don’t blame her, but as soon as she started cooking, my stomach flipped. I felt a little nauseous, but it passed after some cucumber and lemon juice. When it was time for dinner, I felt silly by the fact that I was longing for a stuffed pepper. I was so close to practically mauling one in order to calm myself down. But again, I refrained. Another amazing accomplishment.

So this weekend was very difficult. It took a lot of patience and self control and for that, I’m very proud of myself. My mom even made a comment to how well she thinks I’m doing. This is honestly and truly the first time I have firmly stuck with a decision and choice like this. This was a big decision that I made rather quickly, and there have been MANY times over the course of the past week when I told myself it was alright to give in. Thankfully, there is a tiny, small voice in my head that just keeps whispering “Keep going! You will be so proud when you are through!” I’m not through yet, but I am alright glowing with pride that I’ve made it this far.

I’m in the last half of this incredible goal, and I can’t wait to write when I’m finished. I’ll definitely be back before then with more progress though 🙂

Cheers, and I’ll be back soon,

Ely.

 

Another weigh in! Doing great! April 9, 2013

Starting weight: 355lbs

Last week’s weight: 342.6lbs

Today’s weight: 341.8lbs

Total lost: 13.2lbs!

Yay! I’m quite excited at my weigh in. I know it’s less than a full pound, but any loss is good loss! Getting closer and closer to my goals! Not to mention I had completely blown my points Friday night when we went out. I would have been happy losing just an ounce, to be honest.

I had a really good birthday yesterday, and got some lovely gifts. Most notably of course are the tickets to see/meet Jillian Michaels tomorrow evening in Seattle. I’m still so freaking excited that I can hardly contain myself. I don’t know how I will get through today and tomorrow! My mom also got me a Weight Watchers cookbook. It has some really great looking recipes that I can’t wait to try! It will be nice to not eat the same things over and over again – adding a little variety will be awesome.

Mom and I are still getting up in the mornings and walking. We calculated that we walk approximately a half mile in about 10 – 11 minutes each morning, and we are thinking of making it a full mile in the next few days. Unfortunately, due to events going on this week, I won’t really be able to get a workout in until Thursday. My workout days will be Thursday, Saturday, and Sunday. Gotta make sure to keep moving!

I’m looking forward to asking Jillian some questions tomorrow. What’s the best exercise to start with for someone as big as I am? What exercises can I do to help burn fat quickly? Will you marry me? Oh…wait….probably shouldn’t ask that last one. That could get awkward. Regardless, the offer still stands. But what other things can should I ask? Do any of YOU have any questions you want me to get answers to?

Well, I’m happy to still be doing well and to be going on the right track. Can’t wait for tomorrow! Until then…

Cheers,

Ely.

 

And the good feeling continues! April 3, 2013

I just got done with my second workout this week. The Biggest Loser Bootcamp really whipped my ass today. I wasn’t too sore after the workout yesterday, or when I woke up this morning – I am really sore (but incredibly relaxed) this time around, and I have a feeling it will be tough to walk it out tomorrow morning. My arms feel good, my core is tightening up, and I have the greatest post-workout high ever! THANK YOU ENDORPHINS!

I feel like I was able to try a little harder today than I was yesterday – I think I got a better stretch and was able to do more squats/hold them longer. I feel my muscles quivering a bit! Throughout the DVD I was kept thinking “Pain is temporary – regret will last me forever”. It’s probably my greatest motivation right now. If I don’t do it, nothing will ever change, and that won’t work for me either. All I can do is keep pushing harder and harder! I feel like I’ve totally got this!

Thank you tons everyone for being incredibly supportive! You guys totally rock and are making it so much easier for me to keep my motivation! ❤

Cheers,

Ely

PS – Only 4 days until my birthday!!!

 

I’m going to meet Jillian Michaels!!!! April 2, 2013

I was at work today minding my own business when my mom texted me that Jillian Michaels will be in town next Wednesday, April 10th. Knowing that she’s my BIGGEST FITNESS IDOL EVER, my mom thought I might want to go. Tickets were reasonable, so I figured, sure! I’ll buy them when I get home.

About 30 minutes later, my mom sent me a text that said “2 VIP tickets to see Jillian Michaels that include best seats in the house, gift, and Q&A after the show…$$$. Happiest Birthday ever, priceless! HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SIS!”

For a split second, I’m pretty sure I had a mild cardiac event. I stopped breathing, and I couldn’t feel my heart beat. I got lightheaded and nearly passed out. Once I snapped back into consciousness, I nearly squealed with this incredible rush of pure joy, happiness, and excitement. I am going to meet the biggest weight loss inspiration in my life, and it’s only a week away! I had no words to thank my mother…It is seriously the best gift I’ve ever received! I’m so excited…I can’t wait. I feel like it’s going to severely change my life. It’s definitely keeping my motivation in tact!

In the mean time while I wait patient for the 10th to get here, today I did a wonderful workout courtesy of the Biggest Loser Bootcamp dvd I own. It’s one of my favorite workouts, and it is definitely time to wipe the dust off of it. The first week, it’s a 30 minute workout 4 or 5 times a week. I just finished it about 15 minutes ago, and I’m actually pleasantly surprised that I didn’t struggle too much with it. I feel fantastic, and I definitely broke a good sweat. I’ll be doing it again tomorrow evening! Today, I’ve definitely earned my shower 🙂

I’ve never felt more confident than I do right now. I’ve eaten amazingly today, I walked for 15 minutes again with my mom this morning, and I did that workout…More so I couldn’t be more proud. I’m going strong with no complaints, only excitement. I’ve never worked this hard, and I’ve never looked more forward to a workout in my life. I absolutely can’t wait to do it all over again!

What an improvement from the attitude I had even two weeks ago. I definitely see myself getting in shape this time. It will take a while, but it is going to be the best thing I have ever done in my life. I’m so ready.

Cheers to an amazing day, and an even better birthday gift!

Ely.

 

 
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