lostinalife

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Absolutely terrified July 22, 2013

Filed under: Uncategorized — lostinalife @ 7:58 pm
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I’m so scared to get back on the scale. It makes me just want to cry thinking about it. I’ve completely neglected myself; lost all control over my eating and activity. I can see negative changes to my body…things are getting hard to do. My face is getting fatter. My ankles are bigger. I can’t do this any more. I just can’t. I CAN’T DO IT.

I’m ashamed of myself in every way possible. I hate going anywhere, doing anything…I went to see a movie with my family yesterday, and I had to sit a seat away from everyone because I was in everyone’s space. I HAD TO SIT AWAY FROM MY FAMILY AND SIT ALL BY MY FUCKING SELF BECAUSE I WAS TOO FAT. I’ve done this all to myself – I know I have. I’m horrified, sickened, disgusted. I don’t even know what to do anymore.

I guess I’m going to start juicing again in the mornings, and trying to eat better during the day. I’ve also been going to water aerobics lately with some co workers so that’s going alright. I have to do something about this. I don’t want to die of a heart attack in my 20s. I refuse to slowly kill myself anymore. Yesterday was a huge eye opener for me, and I intend to use it as major motivation.

I’m also going to try to establish a doctor in my area for guidance. I need some serious help, and I need to get back onto my PCOS medication. I’m insulin resistant…that isn’t helping anything AT ALL. It’s not diabetes, but it’s very close.

So, I guess that’s it. I’m sorry for being gone (working over 50+ hours a week lately), and I probably will only post every few days, but I need to get something started here. I was doing so well for a while, and I’d love to get back to that. I would do anything to get back to that.

-Ely

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I’m going to meet Jillian Michaels!!!! April 2, 2013

I was at work today minding my own business when my mom texted me that Jillian Michaels will be in town next Wednesday, April 10th. Knowing that she’s my BIGGEST FITNESS IDOL EVER, my mom thought I might want to go. Tickets were reasonable, so I figured, sure! I’ll buy them when I get home.

About 30 minutes later, my mom sent me a text that said “2 VIP tickets to see Jillian Michaels that include best seats in the house, gift, and Q&A after the show…$$$. Happiest Birthday ever, priceless! HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SIS!”

For a split second, I’m pretty sure I had a mild cardiac event. I stopped breathing, and I couldn’t feel my heart beat. I got lightheaded and nearly passed out. Once I snapped back into consciousness, I nearly squealed with this incredible rush of pure joy, happiness, and excitement. I am going to meet the biggest weight loss inspiration in my life, and it’s only a week away! I had no words to thank my mother…It is seriously the best gift I’ve ever received! I’m so excited…I can’t wait. I feel like it’s going to severely change my life. It’s definitely keeping my motivation in tact!

In the mean time while I wait patient for the 10th to get here, today I did a wonderful workout courtesy of the Biggest Loser Bootcamp dvd I own. It’s one of my favorite workouts, and it is definitely time to wipe the dust off of it. The first week, it’s a 30 minute workout 4 or 5 times a week. I just finished it about 15 minutes ago, and I’m actually pleasantly surprised that I didn’t struggle too much with it. I feel fantastic, and I definitely broke a good sweat. I’ll be doing it again tomorrow evening! Today, I’ve definitely earned my shower 🙂

I’ve never felt more confident than I do right now. I’ve eaten amazingly today, I walked for 15 minutes again with my mom this morning, and I did that workout…More so I couldn’t be more proud. I’m going strong with no complaints, only excitement. I’ve never worked this hard, and I’ve never looked more forward to a workout in my life. I absolutely can’t wait to do it all over again!

What an improvement from the attitude I had even two weeks ago. I definitely see myself getting in shape this time. It will take a while, but it is going to be the best thing I have ever done in my life. I’m so ready.

Cheers to an amazing day, and an even better birthday gift!

Ely.

 

 
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